Can love be a one way street?

Absolutely!

We all have expectations of what a relationship should be and what we are looking for. We all say what we will accept and not accept, however, when the chips are down, did we really find what we were looking for and did we really stick with our own rules?

We all picture the perfect mate who reflects the very feelings for us that we feel for them. Truthfully, that is not asking too much. In a normal relationship it is usually what you are looking for. But it is all of the other factors that led us to this person and made us think of our "perfect mate"; that causes us to excuse behaviors we normally wouldn't like to ignore.

Here are some examples of "one way streets":

THE BARBIE FACTOR

I have a friend. Just a normal everyday Joe. He hunts, fishes, camps, and does truly guy things. I have known him for 11 years, and in that time he has never had a serious relationship even though he wanted one. Why?

Oh, he would bring lovely girls for us (my husband and I) to meet. Beautiful long blond hair, absoloute perfect clothes, nails and beautiful jewelry. I could tell right away this wasn't going to last. But every time he was in love and would do anything to keep them. So,by the time one nearly cleaned out his bank account, and one had talked him into buying her a new car he felt compelled to call me and ask what he was doing wrong.

Honest and forthright that I am, I asked him why he was looking for Barbie?

His response: "Huh? What do you mean?".

I explained that Barbie won't ruin her nails to worm a hook or skin an elk. Barbie won't mess up her $300 hair on the back of a four wheeler, and there was no way in hell Barbie was going to go camping in a wall tent, cook, and sleep on the ground. In his case Barbie was looking for a sugar daddy.

Hey, there is a "Camping, fishing, let's hang the elk head above the mantle Barbie" somewhere,but he didn't see that because he always chose"Malibu Barbie". I'm not knocking Barbie she has a right to want what she wants, but I also explained that Barbie was looking for Ken. Would he be willing to give up everything he likes to do, throw on a suit and tie, wear loafers and go to the Ballet, the Opera, Interpretive Dance? There, see, definitely a one way street!

So that's the obvious one way street.

THE OBSESSED

There is another one way street, I call it; "Oh my God, I made a mistake and I don't know how to get out of this!". The adorer cannot see that the object of their desire no longer has desire for them. All the gifts and "I love You's" in the world will not change this persons mind but they just don't know how to leave. The object of desire doesn't want to cause hurt feelings, or cause discontent however, they are just waiting for the perfect opportunity to go.

Most times this results in that person cheating because cheating is a "deal breaker"; in MOST cases. In some cases the adorer will forgive just so they can hold onto that person, and the cycle starts all over again. The adorer gets their way by guilting the adoree, and the adoree stays because the adorer loves them. However, the adoree will continue to repeat the cycle until they can finally break loose.

THE EGOMANIAC

The other one way street is more sinister and destructive. It may not be an abusive relationship in a physical way, it is more mental. It is with the egomaniac. This person holds themselves in very high esteem and wants to be adored, and to give very little in return. It really doesn't matter who the adorer is, as long as they can dupe them into playing the game.

Usually this person is a real charmer in the beginning and does all of the right things to get you hooked. On the other side of this is where this person is slowly breaking you down, and while your friends are noticing these changes, you are not. You may excuse certain behaviors or outbursts if you say or do something contrary to what the egomaniac wants. But they will usually lay on the charm to get back in your good graces. Once the egomaniac knows that they have you where they want you then the games begin.

This relationship is all about total control. Your only purpose in this person's life is to adore and do everything for them. It doesn't matter what you think or feel, becasue you don't matter. When you become angry that this person isn't treating you right they will either placate and feed you enough crumbs to keep you satisfied (which at this point even the smallest amount of love will sustain you) or in turn get angry because you are not grateful to them that you are in this relationship.

The egomaniac uses guilt, manipulation,and controlled crumbs of "love" to keep you where they want you. The egomaniac may try to control your weight, what you wear, who your friends are, and will usually break you away from your family, and most times all of those I listed. This person will lash out when you regain your senses and make you feel that everything is your fault. This is a dangerous game, and one that leaves you nothing but a shell of the person you once were.

Lastly

If you have unrealistic expectations in love then you will be dissatisfied with each new relationship. I call this "Being in love with the idea of being in love". Every relationship moves to different levels. Alas, the honeymoon does fade away and then you are left with this belching, snoring, and other not so tasteful things, person.

Some people feel that "Love" is gone when the Honeymoon is over. Even though we would like to live in this fantasy land forever; we have to go back to work, we have to pay our bills, we have to come back down from the clouds. When the honeymoon is over it is telling us that it is time to get back into reality. This is where a lot of relationships fail, and it is very unfortunate that some people give up before the real fun begins!

That is when you discover true love. If you can accept this person in their not so finest moments, even when they are barfing in your friends flower bed because they had too much to drink, and they can say the same about you then you've got it. It becomes a natural give and take and finishing sentences and kowing what the other is thinking before they even say it. It is new discoveries and a true knowledge of that other person. Yes, it can be mundane at times, but those are just natural cycles. Love can be a wonderful thing and not a one way street.